I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
