I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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