Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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