Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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