He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
