I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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