I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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