I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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