Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
