I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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