Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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