Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drake has all the answers
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
