All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
