Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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