I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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