Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
