alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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