dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
