drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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