I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
