wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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