I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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