The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
