just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize