Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
