Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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