Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
