Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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