I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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