you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize