so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
