new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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