i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
