Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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