Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
