So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize