Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
