i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
