Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
