This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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