i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
