Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
