Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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