I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm too high and old for this...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
