i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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