ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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