yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
