I'm so fucking centered right now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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