If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
