Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize