So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
