I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
