We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
