Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Come on in and take your pants off
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