Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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