Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
