So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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