Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
