I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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