Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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