i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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