Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
