I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
